Artcwolf
12-08-2003, 02:06 PM
The following list of rules apply to each person as they enter Texas: Learn 'em & remember 'em.
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like a moron.
2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup truck because I need to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
3. They are pigs, cattle & oil wells. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-20 & I-10 go east and west, I-35 goes north & south. Pick one.
4. So you have a $60,000 dollar car. We're not impressed. We have quarter-million dollar cotton strippers that we drive 3 weeks a year.
5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
7. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawdads. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
9. We open doors for women. That is applied to everyone, regardless of age.
10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad & pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats,
vegetables, & breads. We use 3 spices...salt, pepper, & Pace Picante Sauce.
12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" to my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck & have long hair.
13. High School Football is as important here as the Lakers & the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
14. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards, it spooks the fish.
15. Colleges? Try the Texas A&M University. They come outta there with an education & a love for God & country, & they still wave at passing pickups when they come home for the holidays.
16. We have more folks in the Navy, Army, Marines & Air Force than any other state, so "Don't Mess with Texas." If you do, it will get your butt whipped by the best.
17. Also remember what our great Governor Sam Houston once said, "Texas can make it without the United States, but the United States can't make it without Texas."
GOD BLESS TEXAS!!!
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like a moron.
2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup truck because I need to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
3. They are pigs, cattle & oil wells. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-20 & I-10 go east and west, I-35 goes north & south. Pick one.
4. So you have a $60,000 dollar car. We're not impressed. We have quarter-million dollar cotton strippers that we drive 3 weeks a year.
5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
7. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawdads. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
9. We open doors for women. That is applied to everyone, regardless of age.
10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad & pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats,
vegetables, & breads. We use 3 spices...salt, pepper, & Pace Picante Sauce.
12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" to my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck & have long hair.
13. High School Football is as important here as the Lakers & the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
14. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards, it spooks the fish.
15. Colleges? Try the Texas A&M University. They come outta there with an education & a love for God & country, & they still wave at passing pickups when they come home for the holidays.
16. We have more folks in the Navy, Army, Marines & Air Force than any other state, so "Don't Mess with Texas." If you do, it will get your butt whipped by the best.
17. Also remember what our great Governor Sam Houston once said, "Texas can make it without the United States, but the United States can't make it without Texas."
GOD BLESS TEXAS!!!