Artcwolf
12-12-2003, 12:27 PM
Dear diary,
I have never quite figured out why the sexual urges of
men and women differ so much. I never have figured
out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never
figured out why men think with their head and women
think with their heart. I have never figured out why
the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of
turmoil, when it hears the words " I do." One evening
last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well,
the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually
says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold
me. "I said "WHAT???" So she says the words every
husband on the planet dreads to hear, "you must not be
in tune with my emotional needs as a woman." I am
thinking, "What was her first clue?" I finally
realized that nothing was going to happen that night
so I went to sleep.
The very next day, we went shopping at a Marshall
Field's store. I walked around with her while she
tried on three different and very expensive outfits.
She couldn't decide which one to take so I told
her to take all three. She wanted matching shoes; I
said "let's get a pair for each outfit." We went to
the jewelry department where she gets a pair of
diamond earrings. Let me tell you, she was so
excited. She must have thought I was a few French
fries short of a Happy Meal. I started to think she
was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet
when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think
I threw her for a loop when I said it was OK. She was
almost sexually excited from all of this. You should
have seen her face when she said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cash register." I could hardly
contain myself when I blurted out "no honey, I don't
feel like buying all of this stuff right now." You
should have seen her face...It went completely blank.
I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD
this stuff for a while." and just when she had this
look like she was going to kill me I added, "you must
not be in tune with my financial needs as a man."
I figure that I won't be having sex again until
some time after the spring of 2108.
I have never quite figured out why the sexual urges of
men and women differ so much. I never have figured
out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never
figured out why men think with their head and women
think with their heart. I have never figured out why
the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of
turmoil, when it hears the words " I do." One evening
last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well,
the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually
says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold
me. "I said "WHAT???" So she says the words every
husband on the planet dreads to hear, "you must not be
in tune with my emotional needs as a woman." I am
thinking, "What was her first clue?" I finally
realized that nothing was going to happen that night
so I went to sleep.
The very next day, we went shopping at a Marshall
Field's store. I walked around with her while she
tried on three different and very expensive outfits.
She couldn't decide which one to take so I told
her to take all three. She wanted matching shoes; I
said "let's get a pair for each outfit." We went to
the jewelry department where she gets a pair of
diamond earrings. Let me tell you, she was so
excited. She must have thought I was a few French
fries short of a Happy Meal. I started to think she
was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet
when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think
I threw her for a loop when I said it was OK. She was
almost sexually excited from all of this. You should
have seen her face when she said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cash register." I could hardly
contain myself when I blurted out "no honey, I don't
feel like buying all of this stuff right now." You
should have seen her face...It went completely blank.
I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD
this stuff for a while." and just when she had this
look like she was going to kill me I added, "you must
not be in tune with my financial needs as a man."
I figure that I won't be having sex again until
some time after the spring of 2108.