bejohnson
02-21-2006, 04:24 AM
I found this article today by accident but in reading it, I realized how close it comes to describing the relationship of my father-in-law Floyd to his two daughters Brandi and Kim. I think this is a good read for everyone, parent or not. I know since I found out that I was going to be a father I have been thinking about many things involving my future kids. My in-laws are great examples of what to do and what not to do. They raised four great kids. I only hope I can do half as well.
Father-Daughter Bond Needs To Be Nurtured (http://www.tennessean.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060220/COLUMNIST0410/602200309/1414)
Monday, 02/20/06
Julie Hunt
The baby cried for most of the afternoon. It was one of those days, and the mom was at her wits' end. Five-thirty couldn't come soon enough.
As soon as Dad entered the front door, the mother thankfully handed over their daughter. "I need a break! You walk around with her."
Five minutes later, to both parents' amazement, the baby had calmed down. Peace and quite had returned for the evening.
A little girl, dressed in her pink and purple ballerina costume, climbed up on the coffee table, twirled around and jumped to the ground. "Look at me, Daddy!"
He peered over his newspaper. "That's beautiful, darling. You're a good ballerina."
One exasperated middle-school daughter, trying to crack a smile through silver-braced teeth, told her dad, "I just don't get my teacher. She doesn't understand!"
"Sometimes it's just tough," her dad says as he gives her a hug.
A young lady takes her father's arm to walk down the aisle.
"You look stunning. You'll be an awesome wife," the father said as he held back his tears.
Touching moments abound throughout a daughter's life. Mothers and fathers have equally important but unique roles in shaping and nurturing their child's life.
While much focus has been placed on the mother-daughter relationship and the father-son bond, the father-daughter relationship has been somewhat overlooked until recent years. Research suggests that minimizing this relationship is a big mistake. From the very beginning, dads lay the groundwork for daughters, giving them a place to frame their thoughts about men.
Complicating matters, dads often don't realize the importance of their role. Sometimes mothers don't facilitate the father-daughter relationship. Daughters often feel a hunger in their hearts that only a strong, supportive father figure can fill. A daughter needs to know that her father wants to be involved, that he's committed to her and will be there to help her with the issues she faces every day.
This is especially true as girls move through adolescence and into young adulthood. Communication becomes more difficult and issues more complicated.
To help fathers and daughters make stronger connections, Ken Canfield, father of three daughters and founder of the National Center for Fathering, created the Father-Daughter Summit (http://support.fathers.com/site/PageServer?pagename=FatherDaughterSummitDetails). Now in its sixth year, the summit is designed to engage fathers and daughters in a heart-to-heart relationship characterized by openness, acceptance and affirmation. Canfield sees the seminar as a wake-up call for fathers, showing them just how important they are in their daughters' lives.
"Most dads say, 'Oh my! My time to invest in her life is so short.' "
But Canfield encourages that even if time has been wasted, it's never too late. You can still rebuild and bring back what's been lost if you focus and are patient.
Highlights of the one-day summit, which begins at 9:30 a.m. Saturday at Lipscomb University:
• Five needs of daughters and how fathers can help fulfill them
• Why fathers are so important
• Qualities of a future husband
• The heart of the father-daughter bond
Canfield noticed the reciprocal benefits in his relationship with his daughters.
"As I invested in their lives, I received back a sense of respect and appreciation. Staying involved was a win-win for all my daughters and me."
He hopes the summit will help others realize the benefits, too.
"A father needs to stay connected, asking his daughter how her day went and listening to her response. The way you connect and express caring for her, like opening the door, tending to her needs and doing things that she likes to do, will help you prepare for adolescence, which in many cases can be stormy and challenging."
Canfield says he's never met a dad that says he wishes he'd spent more time at the office or pursuing notoriety. If they have regrets, they tend to wish they'd spent more time with family.
"If fathers only knew how important they were to their daughters' development, I know they would invest more time in that relationship.
"The outcomes are exceedingly better for daughters who have dads that are crazy about them," Canfield says.
FOR DADS
Ken Canfield, founder of the National Center for Fathering, encourages dads to use honest, sensitive feedback:
• Praise your daughter for specific behavior: manners, thoughtfulness, kindness to friends, great decisions or her involvement in extracurricular activities.
• Don't forget to compliment her outward beauty: her eyes, her smile, her hair.
• Remember, constructive criticism must be followed with at least a half dozen affirming statements.
• She needs to hear praise from you regularly. It won't go to her head and make her conceited. It gives her the confidence she needs to navigate through this tough world successfully.
• Don't forget the humor factor. It's a must, especially through the adolescent years
A FATHER'S LEGACY
The Virtual Mom has seen the benefits of a strong father-daughter relationship firsthand. My husband read Beverly Cleary books to our daughter at bedtime, dropped her off at middle school each morning, and even helped her construct a trebuchet for her physics class at Hillsboro High School.
How do I know his efforts had a great impact on her young life? One day, a couple of years ago, as he drove to work, he had an automobile accident on Interstate 65. He died later that afternoon.
Memories of his active involvement in her life proved to be a great comfort to her aching heart. Our daughter still values his dedicated, daily interaction. In his short time with her, he guided and encouraged her to be all she could be.
One of the most poignant eulogies at his funeral came from our daughter, Aubrey, who said, “I would rather have the grief today and have my daddy as I did for 20 years, than have a father still around, but checked out. Daddy made sure he wasn’t one of those kinds of fathers.”
He may be gone, but the way he lived his life, especially with his children, lives on forever. It is their legacy. I hope the dads reading this story will ask themselves, “What kind of legacy am I leaving to my children?”
—JULIE HUNT, FOR THE TENNESSEAN
Father-Daughter Bond Needs To Be Nurtured (http://www.tennessean.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060220/COLUMNIST0410/602200309/1414)
Monday, 02/20/06
Julie Hunt
The baby cried for most of the afternoon. It was one of those days, and the mom was at her wits' end. Five-thirty couldn't come soon enough.
As soon as Dad entered the front door, the mother thankfully handed over their daughter. "I need a break! You walk around with her."
Five minutes later, to both parents' amazement, the baby had calmed down. Peace and quite had returned for the evening.
A little girl, dressed in her pink and purple ballerina costume, climbed up on the coffee table, twirled around and jumped to the ground. "Look at me, Daddy!"
He peered over his newspaper. "That's beautiful, darling. You're a good ballerina."
One exasperated middle-school daughter, trying to crack a smile through silver-braced teeth, told her dad, "I just don't get my teacher. She doesn't understand!"
"Sometimes it's just tough," her dad says as he gives her a hug.
A young lady takes her father's arm to walk down the aisle.
"You look stunning. You'll be an awesome wife," the father said as he held back his tears.
Touching moments abound throughout a daughter's life. Mothers and fathers have equally important but unique roles in shaping and nurturing their child's life.
While much focus has been placed on the mother-daughter relationship and the father-son bond, the father-daughter relationship has been somewhat overlooked until recent years. Research suggests that minimizing this relationship is a big mistake. From the very beginning, dads lay the groundwork for daughters, giving them a place to frame their thoughts about men.
Complicating matters, dads often don't realize the importance of their role. Sometimes mothers don't facilitate the father-daughter relationship. Daughters often feel a hunger in their hearts that only a strong, supportive father figure can fill. A daughter needs to know that her father wants to be involved, that he's committed to her and will be there to help her with the issues she faces every day.
This is especially true as girls move through adolescence and into young adulthood. Communication becomes more difficult and issues more complicated.
To help fathers and daughters make stronger connections, Ken Canfield, father of three daughters and founder of the National Center for Fathering, created the Father-Daughter Summit (http://support.fathers.com/site/PageServer?pagename=FatherDaughterSummitDetails). Now in its sixth year, the summit is designed to engage fathers and daughters in a heart-to-heart relationship characterized by openness, acceptance and affirmation. Canfield sees the seminar as a wake-up call for fathers, showing them just how important they are in their daughters' lives.
"Most dads say, 'Oh my! My time to invest in her life is so short.' "
But Canfield encourages that even if time has been wasted, it's never too late. You can still rebuild and bring back what's been lost if you focus and are patient.
Highlights of the one-day summit, which begins at 9:30 a.m. Saturday at Lipscomb University:
• Five needs of daughters and how fathers can help fulfill them
• Why fathers are so important
• Qualities of a future husband
• The heart of the father-daughter bond
Canfield noticed the reciprocal benefits in his relationship with his daughters.
"As I invested in their lives, I received back a sense of respect and appreciation. Staying involved was a win-win for all my daughters and me."
He hopes the summit will help others realize the benefits, too.
"A father needs to stay connected, asking his daughter how her day went and listening to her response. The way you connect and express caring for her, like opening the door, tending to her needs and doing things that she likes to do, will help you prepare for adolescence, which in many cases can be stormy and challenging."
Canfield says he's never met a dad that says he wishes he'd spent more time at the office or pursuing notoriety. If they have regrets, they tend to wish they'd spent more time with family.
"If fathers only knew how important they were to their daughters' development, I know they would invest more time in that relationship.
"The outcomes are exceedingly better for daughters who have dads that are crazy about them," Canfield says.
FOR DADS
Ken Canfield, founder of the National Center for Fathering, encourages dads to use honest, sensitive feedback:
• Praise your daughter for specific behavior: manners, thoughtfulness, kindness to friends, great decisions or her involvement in extracurricular activities.
• Don't forget to compliment her outward beauty: her eyes, her smile, her hair.
• Remember, constructive criticism must be followed with at least a half dozen affirming statements.
• She needs to hear praise from you regularly. It won't go to her head and make her conceited. It gives her the confidence she needs to navigate through this tough world successfully.
• Don't forget the humor factor. It's a must, especially through the adolescent years
A FATHER'S LEGACY
The Virtual Mom has seen the benefits of a strong father-daughter relationship firsthand. My husband read Beverly Cleary books to our daughter at bedtime, dropped her off at middle school each morning, and even helped her construct a trebuchet for her physics class at Hillsboro High School.
How do I know his efforts had a great impact on her young life? One day, a couple of years ago, as he drove to work, he had an automobile accident on Interstate 65. He died later that afternoon.
Memories of his active involvement in her life proved to be a great comfort to her aching heart. Our daughter still values his dedicated, daily interaction. In his short time with her, he guided and encouraged her to be all she could be.
One of the most poignant eulogies at his funeral came from our daughter, Aubrey, who said, “I would rather have the grief today and have my daddy as I did for 20 years, than have a father still around, but checked out. Daddy made sure he wasn’t one of those kinds of fathers.”
He may be gone, but the way he lived his life, especially with his children, lives on forever. It is their legacy. I hope the dads reading this story will ask themselves, “What kind of legacy am I leaving to my children?”
—JULIE HUNT, FOR THE TENNESSEAN